I find that being a mom has changed me. In some ways, better, and in some ways not as much. I find myself with an even shorter attention span, and trying to balance everything in my head can get me tired before I even do anything. I cry more at random commercials and stories. I'm more defensive over some topics, and more protective over my time. While my heart has certainly grown for this little boy, it's not as open as I had expected it to be. For some reason, I expected becoming "mom" meant planning and loving would become easier, because it had to be. Turns out, it's still something to work at, to pray about, to turn over to God. I'm not more capable just because I added another (albeit important) role.
So, I'm acknowledging I need help, that I want this challenge. J is amazingly supportive, and I get to be a stay at home mom for now! For a little while, I was concerned that if I stopped working for a while, I'd be a little more boring. Then I realized that I don't actually talk about work that much anyhow. I have 8 more days of normal work days.
My life is fuller in another way, and I want to keep changing for the better, and help raise Sam to be a little better than J and me.