Wednesday, June 6, 2012



Thinking back, I remember about this time two years ago, I was both so happy for my sister in her wedding planning, and a mixture of sad/angry/jealous that J and I ourselves couldn't get engaged "any day now," since this was my sister's time. It was ridiculous. I'm so embarrassed for focusing on myself. Even trying to shake it, I would still throw myself a little pity party every now and then. In retrospect, I'm so thankful for that time. While in my head, I was focused on what I couldn't do anymore, really I was just wanting to plan things my way. I didn't want to wait for God's plan when the plan I envisioned seemed so much more appealing. I was able to support and share her joy, particularly in her last month before married life, in my opinion, but after they got married, I was still a little too excited about "my plan." I finally let go and let God, and then J proposed the next day. The length that we dated was closer to what I would have wanted, well, particularly J would have wanted anyway.
The lengthy process I went through from wanting my way to realizing I want God's way was eye opening for me. (Of course I still continue to learn that) Our times of struggle, regardless what it is, is meant to draw us to the Lord. He fills us up. It can be hard to share others' joy or sorrows, but we're meant to. It helps us all draw closer to God and closer to each other. It's not really about getting our way, getting attention, or things going "right"; it's about growth, and love, and forever deepening our relationship. I so hope to keep learning!

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